The Heat

Just finished a late-night session and for the first time in a while, I’m a bit tilted.  I’m not the type to yell, scream, and slam things but I can tell when I’m unnerved because my body temperature rises.  My face gets a bit redder.  My forehead feels hot.  And moments ago, I felt that heat.

While the ‘graveyard’ shift is known for less traffic, the games that do run are considerably softer than their peak-hours counterparts.  Unfortunately today, I wasn’t able to capitalize on that.


Even a deep run in the $109 turbo couldn’t make this thing look pretty.  Eventually I’ll ship one of those damn things, but not today.  Obviously I’m not happy with this session’s results, but that’s not the issue.  And it’s not the money either as I’ve lost more than this before and felt ~fine.

So what caused me to ’tilt?’

Could be the energy drinks.  My emotions are certainly intensified when I’m on a high amount of caffeine and that means I’m happier during the upswings and angrier during the downers.  I’m sure that plays a role, but the main cause of my frustration is likely the culmination of the past month and a half.  After finishing June $6k under EV, I’m already $3k under through the first week of July.


I’m fighting the ‘woe is me’ mentality, but I won’t deny at times it’s taking over.  When will it end?  When can I start winning again?  My sanity is normally preserved by the red line, but as the downswing continues I’m finding less and less solace in it.