The Sting

Last month ended on a high note, as I pulled out of my variance-related nosedive.  On the 26th, I was $17k under EV and by the 31st I had chipped that number down to $10k.  Still sets my record for most money under EV in a month, but I was pretty happy all things considered.  Unfortunately, the first few days of September have basically negated that mini upswing.  Through 800 games, I find myself under EV  by about $6k in 9 max, not including a stretch of 18s where I’m losing $4/game.  The EV for this sample is horrid as well, but I’m doing my best to not be bothered by such a small number of games.

The past few weeks have really tested me.  Had my worst day of all-time on Tuesday, dropping about $6500.  Then I “rebounded” to only lose $1500 on Wednesday and $3500 today.  It’s puke-worthy IMO and super frustrating to say the least.  Up until Tuesday, the most I’d ever lost in a day was $2700 and now I’ve eclipsed that number two of the last three days.

Still, I’m proud of my volume.  I could easily run and hide, but I’ve pushed myself to get the volume/VPPs in each day.  Last month I ended with 150,000 VPPs (New high score!) and have already earned 23,000 through the first four days of September.  Truth be told, I didn’t feel like grinding much on Wednesday, after losing $6500 the day before.  I normally don’t sweat losses, but that amount stung.  It was the first time in a while where I gave some thought to the money I had lost and what it meant in the grand scheme of things.  I thought about what I could have bought for myself, the difference it could have made in other people’s lives, and what % of my net worth I had “taken” from me.  It wasn’t a healthy thought process by any means.

But I sacked up.  Loaded up games and got back and the proverbial horse only to be bucked off once more.  Disappointing, yes, but I’ll do the same thing tomorrow.  Here’s to hoping it turns around sooner rather than later.