Who would be a Casino Valet?

I played a few days at Walsall through last weeks GUKPT festival and the one thing that struck me was how good the valets were at Walsall compared to other G Casinos I play at.  As a poker player I always moan (virtually non-stop) about something so credit where it’s due I thought they were really good at Walsall.

They actually come to the table and ask if you’d like a drink and go round the table in order to ask everyone. At G Cov they never do that and if it wasn’t for Delma who always looks after me at Cov (when she’s on duty) I’d die of thirst before I ever got asked.

At Grosvenor Hill St it’s a bit hit and miss as they’ve had some great valets there and some pretty terrible ones over the years. In fairness I have to say I’ve not been there lately so not sure what the current group are like, though the car park jockeys who do the valet parking there have always been excellent.

It’s so bad at Cov that even if someone calls a valet to the table they just take the order from that one person and F off. I remember one night a player asked the floor for a valet and when she came she just took his order and disappeared in an instant before anyone else could ask her.

It turned out a few other players on the table, me included, wanted a drink so we were chatting/moaning about it while she was away. When she brought the drink back for the original player another one sat by him asked for a drink and off she went again before I or anyone else could catch her attention.

So this time while she was away we (the other thirsty players) decided that we would all deliberately order a drink from her one at a time every time she came back. After the 3rd time she finally had a light-bulb moment and asked if anyone else at the table would like a drink. Hooray!

I’ve been to the new Genting Casino at Resorts World up at the NEC a couple of times and the valets come round quite frequently there and seem pretty good.

Dusk till Dawn have efficient valets who work really hard when the big comps are on but as most of them are younger than my daughters I always feel slightly uncomfortable with the skimpy clothes they have to wear. It’s almost impossible not to notice them as they look like they’d be more suited to working at Hooters, so I’m sure they do OK for tips. 

Though looks are not in my opinion the main factor. A valet who is efficient and friendly is far more deserving of a tip than someone who is as dim as a 3 watt bulb but just happens to have big tits.

I think the best dumb valet quote was this one. 

Player: Can I have a glass of hot water? Valet: With ice?

Personally I feel I have every right to moan about valets who are useless because I am a habitual tipper so I feel I’m entitled to a decent level of service but these days people like me are few and far between.

Generally I believe that poker players do not tip the valets anywhere near enough so if the valets stay in the pit area and don’t come into the card room then poker players only have themselves to blame.

While I was at Walsall this week there were loads of times a valet came to the table and took 5 or 6 drink orders and when he/she came back with them I was the only person that gave a tip. That’s terrible it really is. Most cash players think nothing of tipping a dealer so why not a valet now and then, and why should tournament players not tip either?

In my opinion if you play a tournament and spend 6 or 7 hours in a card room and during that time someone fetches you a tea/coffee or soft drink several times throughout the night because you’re too lazy to walk 20-30 feet to the drinks machine to get your own then if you don’t tip you are a tight arse and should be ashamed of yourself. If I was a valet and had to deal with cheapskates like that I’d be stirring your pint with my cock before I brought it over.

These people are on minimum wage and working hard being on their feet all shift long so a £1 tip now and again is hardly spoiling them is it? It has to be the worst job in the casino it really does. 

I’ve seen players in cash games empty the clip with an ill timed 3 barrel bluff spunk off £200 who are then too tight to give the girl who fetches him a coffee a £1.

When I used to play poker in the Rainbow casino in Brum in the late 70’s and early 80’s it was accepted that every player tipped the valets at least once or twice a night. (It was illegal to tip dealers in those days). Also it was normal when you got down to the 3 or 4 players in the comp and were discussing a deal the conversation always included a discussion about how much we would leave for the valets. (I used to win comps in those days)

One thing that made the Rainbow valets so good was that they kept their own tips and didn’t pool them with other staff. This always makes a HUGE difference to the level of service that players get in my opinion. In the Rainbow in those days the valets did not get any wages at all and in fact PAID the casino to work there!

They paid a fee for a uniform and a tray and worked 100% off their tips alone so if they were not good/friendly and working with a smile on their face they didn’t earn much. Back then not only did players get free soft drinks but also snacks like sandwiches which you could have toasted if you wanted. So to be honest if a valet brought you a free cup of tea and a toasted ham sandwich or a couple of rounds of toast and jam most people felt duty bound to bung them a quid.

I was told, and I can well believe it, that the top earning valet at the Rainbow casino used to earn more money than the general manger.

They really know how to look after you in Vegas. Back in 2003 I went to Vegas with 5 friends. I used to run a pub in a nice village in Worcestershire and the five guys who went with me were 5 of my regulars. They were all millionaires as 3 of them owned huge sheep farms and one them owned an abattoir and the other owned a transport firm that basically took all the sheep to the abattoir. 

So anyway one night we are in the Bellagio playing blackjack before going to have dinner. I F’ing hate blackjack with a passion but as they all wanted to play I did as well. After 10 minutes “they” get invited to play in a more private area. I don’t think the pit boss realised I was with them as they had been betting $200 or more every hand. (I was betting $5 or $10 ha ha)

So off we trot to this side area which has a $100 minimum bet for higher rollers. When we sat at the table I realised the size of the min bet so said something along the lines of “F this for a game of soldiers lads” so my mates said “oh OK lets go back in the other room”. When the pit boss realised the situation he said no wait it’s fine” and he dashed off and got some $5 chips from somewhere just for me. 

So we are playing 2 mins and the pit boss says “let me introduce you to … she is going to look after you and get you some drinks”.  Step forward the best looking young lady I have ever seen. She was absolutely stunning. If you picture a young (before all the plastic) Pamela Anderson well she was better looking than that. 

She smiled sweetly and took our order and off she trots. I’m sat there thinking what the hell is she doing working as a waitress in a casino?

Anyway 3 minutes later she is back with the drinks and my 5 mates tip her a $25 chip each (the smallest chips they had) and make pretty pathetic attempts to chat her up. I never felt so cheap in my entire life than when I put a $5 chip on her tray. 

Then I think “Now I know why she’s working here”. She must have been earning an absolute fortune if she just collected $130 in 3 minutes for one round of drinks. To be fair she was really nice and was chatting to us and asking questions about living in England etc so she was nice to talk to as well as look at.

We were supposed to only play blackjack for 20 minutes or so but my mates didn’t want to leave the place. That valet must have earned the casino well over 10k in the space of 2 hours from my mates alone. Eventually I had to virtually drag them out as I was starving.

No one ever said guys were intelligent when a pretty girl is involved. 

A quick mention that Walsall did well at this weeks festival as it beat the £100,000 guarantee for the £500 main event, which I didn’t think it would, so hopefully G Casinos will allow Walsall to have a main event next year as well.

And finally please tip the valets now and then because for the most part they really deserve a bit more than the crappy wages they get for doing what must be one of the worst jobs imaginable. Serving moaning poker players all night long for no thanks must be as bad as it gets.